Intimacy Do’s and Don’ts

We certainly learned a lot this week of how our intimate relationships should or should not be. The church has provided a number of articles, quotes, and advice from our leaders to give us a firm grip on expectations for our behavior in marriage.

As a busy mother, I didn’t always take time to listen carefully to conference talks, as it is difficult when chasing little ones in the halls. Also being extremely tired, reading the Ensign was one of the last things I on my list. That is my fault, and I tried, but missed many admonitions and guidance. I would hope young mothers of today might try and make learning from our leaders first.

A gift

I have not thought of the parable of the talents being applicable to intimacy. Jesus said: “For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath.”  We are responsible for that we have been given. Learning how to develop our relationship, making it meaningful is up to us. We have been taught from our readings that marriage is a school for love. If we put our efforts in to turning towards each other, we can say that we tried to increase what was a gift to us. 

 

Be One and Be Fruitful

President Kimball has observed: “The Bible celebrates sex and its proper use, presenting it as God-created, God-ordained, God-blessed. It makes plain that God himself implanted the physical magnetism between the sexes for two reasons: for the propagation of the human race, and for the expression of that kind of love between man and wife that makes for true oneness. His commandment to the first man and woman to be ‘one flesh’ was as important as his command to ‘be fruitful and multiply.’” (Quoting Billy Graham, Ensign, May 1974, p. 7.)

Your cheating heart.

There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22).

And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: “Thou shalt love thy husband with all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else.”

The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.

        Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972) 142-43.

Spiritual Fidelity

Stop thinking in terms of emotional infidelity and instead use the phrase, “spiritual fidelity.” This phrase underscores the seriousness of the choices we make because it recognizes the eternal potential of our marital relationships as well as the importance of acting in accordance with the promptings of the Holy Ghost. Spiritual fidelity also causes us to consider the sacred covenants we have made in the temple and how the very nature of our thoughts and deeds can undermine those covenants. In other words, if a person is unfaithful spiritually he is not honoring his temple covenants even though he has not committed physical acts of intimacy.

Successful marriages benefit from honest personal assessment of our relationships—both with our spouses and with others. In evaluating whether you have need for improved spiritual fidelity, ask yourself the following questions.

·         “Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?”

·         “Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you’re at home?”

·         “Do you seek opportunities to be with your friend even when work doesn’t require you to be together?”

·         “Do you e-mail and text your friend when you’re not together?”

·         “Have you told your spouse about these messages?”

·         “Does the relationship with your friend take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?” 

·         “Do you compare your spouse to your friend?”

·         “Would you be uncomfortable introducing your spouse to your friend?”

Matheson, K.W.  Fidelity in marriage: It's more than you think. Ensign, Sept. 2009, 13-16.

The Savior’s Atonement not only has the power to cleanse us but also to change and purify our hearts (Mosiah 4:2; 5:2). As we seek heaven’s help, we can regain and maintain spiritual fidelity. God can give people the power to confess, connect, and change.