Who’s your Neighbor?        

We have been taught about forgiveness this week. It is an important principle the Savior has asked us to do. When he commanded us to “Love your neighbor”, he didn’t say to only love them when they do what we think is OK by our standards. Because our spouse is the most important neighbor we have, we need to love and forgive them beyond the usual expectations. Working together, a couple can solve their ongoing conflicts through forgiveness and repentance.

Perpetual or Solvable?

Dr. Gottman said that there are only two kinds of marital conflict: they are either perpetual or solvable. Marriages that are able to cope with a perpetual problem can be successful: Avoid situations that make them worst, and Develop strategies and routines that help ease them.

But many times a perpetual problem becomes gridlocked. See if any of the following are in your marriage:

·         The conflict makes you feel rejected by your partner.

·         You keep talking about it but make no headway.

·         You become entrenched in your positions, unable to budge.

·         When you discuss the subject, you feel more hurt and frustrated.

·         Your conversations about the problem have no humor or affection.

·         You become more entrenched in your view, which leads you to vilify each other.

·         You become even more polarized, unable to compromise because of this vilification.

·         Eventually you disengage from each other emotionally.

Soft is a four letter word.

Solvable problems can begin with what is called a soft start-up, with four parts using the “I” statements.

1.     “I share some responsibility for this…”

2.    Here’s how I feel…

3.      About a specific situation and…

4.    What I need…

Soften up, harsh words don’t help anyone. Swearing or yelling is despicable. Talk to your spouse as kind as you do your good friends.