Jump? How High?

This week we turned towards each other for enhancing our marriage. Dr. Gottman explained how each day we simply are there for each other. We notice when our mate needs help, or when asked, we jump on the request. All these little moments help us to put emotional brownie points into our relationship. 

"This principle is based on the idea of staying connected, and positively so. Turning towards each other in small interactions builds romance and connection beyond the cushioning of stresses - it is the small and regular interactions of turning towards each other. ("http://hametapel.com/gottman.htm for questionaire on your marriage).

The World wasn’t built in a Day.

I like that great works are created by small trivial moments. Just as the world was created day by day, for the foundation needed for the glory of man to live on earth, we too can build our world of marriage by the small gestures of love. It doesn’t happen because one person “turns toward” the other for one day. I read a paper describing a student trying an experiment for over a period of time. His efforts to do activities of his wife’s choosing created a wonderful reaction from her. He was happier as she was happier, and then she in turn gave him added freedom for activities he wanted to do.

This was also true in a story by Martha Arnell. Her ability to be a “cheerleader” to her husband in his activities of hunting and running created “shared meaning” to their marriage. They built an inner life together, having their own culture as a family.

The Mans Got Game!

In my marriage it seems that all I have to do is mention a need, and if my husband isn’t watching a Laker game, he is there to do my bidding. As his wife, I know that he will need time for the game, and I won’t bother him. After being married for so long, I can pretty much know what he needs before he says so. It comes from observation. I love the Sherlock Homes quote: “You see, but you do not observe”. If we are “turning towards” our mate, then we will see needs and fill them. It doesn’t happen if we don’t listen to what the other isn’t saying. Just as a new mom eventually can tell what different cries of her baby mean, we can tune into our needs of our partner.

Charity Never Faileth!

Having Christ in our marriage turns our minds to charity, and trying to emulate his ability of pure love. If we truly strive for that characteristic, we will rise above the petty daily problems, and see the goal of being together for eternity. Why would we allow any abrasive attitude to keep us from that goal? My daughter-in-law grew up in a strict home. She was amazed one time when rough housing broke a lamp, I shrugged and said it was only a lamp. Having four boys allowed a Nerf basketball net hung from the loft, wrestling, and such in the house. The house was secondary to the worth of my sons, and our eternal family relationship. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5OdpPodpNY  Watch Dr. Gottman talk on the 7 principles to make marriage work!